Coming off a four and a half year relationship heavily grounded in long distance, I discovered the importance not only of the phone, but also of conversation in order for a relationship to thrive and succeed. Now that I am fully immersed back in the dating pool, there is one blaring question I cannot seem to get answered: what happened to all the talking? Between online dating, Facebook and texting, the world of courtship has fallen deadly silent, and has since been replaced with the soft sounds of thumbs on an iPhone screen or the clacking of keys on a laptop.

I do not look down upon online dating. The eternal romantic in me will not frown upon, nor judge, two people finding love. However, with all of these technological advancements, I feel we have fallen exceptionally lazy. Honestly, when did it become appropriate for a Facebook message to be the first line of communication? Ten years ago, if a man wanted to ask you out, he would have called the mutual friend you two shared and pried your number from their Nokia cell phone. In order to ask a girl out, a man had to make a gesture—a gesture to define the relationship and his intentions.

Today’s men opt for texting, which essentially eliminates the beauty and consideration of planning and preparing. Dates can now be proposed just an hour before, leaving you no time to do more than shower or change your clothes. You think you get both? Nice try.

Will I rebel against these tactics as I forge ahead as a newly-single woman in her mid-twenties? I’d like to say yes without a second’s hesitation, but for the sake of full disclosure I must admit, now that I am back in the arena I feel more anxious and nervous than ever. Having been out of the dating game for close to five years, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t immediately accept a dinner invitation with no more than 45 minutes notice, proceeding to fit in a shower, and rush to make myself look effortless yet impressive. Unfortunately, like many a standard, we wish we can change the rules, but cannot help but abide by them.

The solution? Wait for the men who are boldly setting the new (old) standard. As women, let’s be confident enough not to settle for what the “game of dating” tells us we should. Regardless of what we individually do, or how we find the people we date, what matters is that we know, without doubt, that we deserve someone who we like enough to rush to dinner with a moment’s notice, but who will ask us out a week in advance anyway.


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